


Incorrect Fallen Angel Quotes

by orphan_account



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 3rd Rock From the Sun (TV) Fusion, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21842968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Chapter 1: Lucifer Morningstar, the High Commander and leader of the expedition, is the family provider and a physics professor at Pendelton. Information officer and oldest member of the crew Trixie has been given the body of a teenager and is forced to enroll in high school, leaving security officer Linda and "the one with the transmitter in his head", Maze to spend their lives as 20-somethings hanging out at home and bouncing through short-term jobs.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar





	Incorrect Fallen Angel Quotes

**Brains and Eggs** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=2)]

 **Lucifer** : Can anyone get their head to swivel to the rear? (no) Then how are you supposed to lick your back!?

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : I think we've underestimated the life on this planet. The people have so much courage. Here they are hurling through space on a molten rock at 67000 miles an hour and the only thing that keeps them from flying out of their shoes is their misplaced faith in gravity.

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : Linda, I want you to observe her, find out what women on this planet do.

 **Linda** : Why can't Maze do it?

 **Lucifer** : Because you're the woman.

 **Linda** : That brings up a very good question: why am I the woman?

 **Lucifer** : Because you lost.

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : Oh good you're here. Did you copy the mainframe from the library?

 **Trixie** : Uh, I got a little distracted.

 **Lucifer** : Again? What happened?

 **Trixie** : Well, I was watching these women play volleyball. And they were all jumping. Up. And down. Up. And down. With these little shorts, and some of them can't jump as high as the others, but it's okay. I mean, it's more than okay, it's really okay. I mean--

 **Lucifer** : What is wrong with you?!

 **Trixie** : I don't know.

 **Lucifer** : We can't leave without that information, so access the net, download, and go straight home as soon as you're finished.

 **Trixie** : Why are you talking to me like I'm a child?

 **Lucifer** : You are a child.

 **Trixie** : I'm older than you.

 **Lucifer** : Well, now I'm bigger. And on this planet, size matters.

**\---------------------------**

**Linda** : Lucifer, women are trouble. I should know! I've been one for two weeks!

 **Lucifer** : I know, which brings up another point. I command you to shave under your arms.

 **Linda** : Doable. I'm sorry you find me so offensive (tears up)

 **Lucifer** : Dammit! Pull yourself together, man! We're going out.

 **Linda** : Ok, give me an hour.

 **Lucifer** : An hour?

 **Linda** : I got to rotate these (indicating breasts). It's a party!

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : I want very much to feel, and to be felt. And I mean that from the heart of my bottom.

**\---------------------------**

**Maze** : Women. You can't live with 'em, and yet they're everywhere.

**Post Nasal Lucifer** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=3)]

 **Lucifer** : _It was the best of times, it was the worst of times_. (flips to the back of the book) I'm not going to read 380 pages if he can't even make up his mind in the first sentence!

**\---------------------------**

**Trixie** : Linda, you're amazing. As sick as you are, you keep taking care of us.

 **Linda** : Yeah, I know. I don't understand. All I want to do is curl up into a ball, and yet somehow I feel compelled to nurture you. God, what a cruel disease!

**\---------------------------**

**Minister** : We are gathered here, before God....

 **Lucifer** : Now, which one of those guys is God?

 **Chloe** : Will you be quiet?

 **Lucifer** : Okay, but be sure to introduce me later, because I want some answers.

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : Chloe, there's something I have to tell you. I come from another world.

 **Chloe** : And this is news?

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : You know, you have to admire these humans. Their lives are so fragile, and yet they are willing to commit to each other for a lifetime.

 **Linda** : Or an afternoon with some petri dish in a miniskirt.

 **Trixie** : Hey, hey! At least I'm getting some here, alright?

**Lucifer's First Birthday** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=4)]

 **Lucifer** : _[reading the Bible]_ Man, these people begat their brains out!

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : Chloe, have I been a perfect ass?

 **Chloe** : Aw, nobody's perfect.

**Lucifer Is From Mars, Linda Is From Venus** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=5)]

 **Linda** : You just can't imagine what it feels like, Lucifer. It's like he reached in... and pulled all the bones out of my body... _[starts crying]_

 **Lucifer** : My God, what are you doing?

 **Linda** : _[wipes her tears]_ Apparently I'm leaking!

 **Lucifer** : Well, stop!

**\---------------------------**

**Trixie** : _[pointing to the stars]_ I've been there and there and there and there...

 **Maze** : Wow. The long, boring stories you must have.

 **Lucifer, Smoker** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=6)]

 **Lucifer** : We suck, we blow -- a posse of oral fixators. Oh, yeah, we're bad. They can isolate us, but they'll never separate us. Let them try and ban smoking, for if they do!.. They'll just have a bunch of SMOKEN' OUTLAWS on their hands!

**\---------------------------**

**Maze** : By the second day I could hear my inner voice, too.

 **Trixie** : What was it saying?

 **Maze** : I have no idea, I don't speak French.

**Green-Eyed Lucifer** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=7)]

_[Linda walks into the men's locker room]_

**Man** : Hey, it says "men" on the door!

 **Linda** : And you made the cut?

**\---------------------------**

**Chloe** : I'm going to have to find someone who can translate Ukrainian.

 **Lucifer** : Uh, that's not Ukrainian, that's Turkish. Look, there's a diacritical mark over the 'o'. Bunlar her zaman savaş ganimetleri doğru beni işaret edebilir.

 **Chloe** : Well, what does it mean?

 **Lucifer** : May these always point me toward the spoils of war. This isn't a thimble. It's Turkish nipple armor. In fact, it's very valuable.

 **Chloe** : Especially if you have the pair!

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : _[to Jeff]_ You think you're pretty clever, don't you? I happen to know that every word in your book was published _years_ ago! Perhaps you've read...the dictionary!

**Lonely Lucifer** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=8)]

_[Trixie and Malcolm meet for the first time]_

**Malcolm** : I'm Malcolm. Don't call me "Malky".

 **Trixie** : I'm Trixie. Don't call me "Malky" either...

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : I'm sure you can defeat a simple door lock.

_[Trixie breaks through the window with her hand and unlocks the door]_

**Lucifer** : What are you doing?! Now this is breaking and entering! It's illegal!

 **Trixie** : What'd you _expect_ me to do? Beam you in?

**Body & Soul & Lucifer**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=9)]

 **Maze** : (holding the remote) This is the second most exciting thing I have ever held in my hand.

**\---------------------------**

**Linda** : How would you like your eyes in the bottom of a martini glass, 'cause I can do it?

 **Dr. Hamlin** : _[sounding delighted]_ Oh, the Amazon is going to manhandle me!

 **Linda** : You're not worth the broken nail.

**\---------------------------**

**Maze** : Oh, Lucifer, we've got cable! Seventy-two channels! And unlike primitive free television this one you get to pay for.

 **Lucifer** : How can we honor the memory of a man like Leonard Hanlin? well......he was governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. it is a scientific fact that hearts and clocks slow down as they approach the speed of light, the point at which matter is converted into energy. Dr. Hanlin's heart approached that speed on friday evening at 7:57 according to the coroner, converting his matter into energy, into pure white light. Though he is no longer with us, he is all around us.

 **Chloe** : That was absolutely beautiful.

 **Trixie** : _Converting matter to energy?_

 **Linda** : Could you have been more trite?

 **Maze** : Why didn't you just phone it in?

**Ab-Lucifer-ted** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=10)]

 **Linda** : I'll give you your promotion if you don't say the word "really" in the next sixty seconds.

 **Maze** : Really?

 **Linda** You lose!

**\---------------------------**

**Lucifer** : So, no matter how obnoxious you are, how much of a burden you become, you can still count on the forgiveness of your family?

 **Chloe** : Yeah.

 **Lucifer:** Even if they touch your radio and refuse to make smoked chub and disobey your orders not to kill?

 **Chloe** : Yeah... even then.

 **Lucifer** : That is so beautiful!

**Truth or Lucifer** [[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun&action=edit&section=11)]

_[opera plays on the car radio]_

**Maze** : Lucifer, remember how I said I wanted to learn to sing? I've changed my mind.

**\---------------------------**

**Dan** : I knew you had a thing for her.

 **Lucifer** : Yes, but I understand I'm not allowed to show it to her without her permission.

**\---------------------------**

**Linda** : Wait a minute, something about this doesn't wash. She's doing something (gasps) Now I remember! I read about this. She's distorting the truth!

 **Lucifer** : Chloe would never lie to me.

 **Linda** : Oh wake up and snort the coffee. (pause) Just because you don't lie doesn't mean people here don't.

 **Lucifer** : We're colleagues! I trust her! I command you to be like her!

 **Linda** : Like what?

 **Lucifer** : Like a woman.

 **Linda** : Fine! I can _woman_.

**\---------------------------**

**Trixie** : Commander, permission to speak freely.

 **Lucifer** : Granted.

 **Trixie** : As the oldest member of this crew, I feel it's my duty to inform you all that this planet both wipes and sucks. In that order.

**\---------------------------**

**Amenadiel** : Poor kid. I remember what it's like to be your age.

 **Trixie** : I remember what it's like to be yours.


End file.
